Mind health became a part of my soul journey when I gave birth to my first child in 1999. In 2003 I then went on to begin my journey as a psychotherapist. When my children came to me, I began to question my experience of losing my mum when I was only 17. I began to question how I was parented and how I parented. After the birth of my second child, I went on to study the psychology of the soul at the Psychosynthesis and Education Trust. I never completed my training, mainly because I ran out of money and it costs a lot to train to become a psychotherapist. Instead, I read a lot, meditated, connect with nature, went to the seaside, took photographs and painted. I try my hardest to be a good parent to my two grown up children, mind health has been important to our journey together and when they were both small I tried to protect them from the chaos beyond our home. Now they are grown, they are both on their own journey which I will continue to be a part of. The inner shift they both created in me has been instrumental to my becoming, I have a deep connection to them both which is beyond words. I feel honoured to have become their parent, they have both taught me so much about my Self, more than they will every know.
My artwork is all about the mind, my own mind and how it has tried to understand the culture I live in and the experiences I’ve had. I’ve not always felt comfortable, in fact I’ve spent most moments feeling like I lived on the periphery, constantly questioning the institutions and authority that have governed the world I live in. Never finding my place where I fitted and living with a constant feeling of not belonging anywhere in particular. This has lead to feelings of constant rejection and a sense of not having the right to exist. My art, my meditating, nature, the seaside and photography have all supported me in finding my right to exist, to stand up and say “I am here and I am great”.
Ancestors and Morphic Resonance
Discovering my right to exist has become a paradox, as I’ve used my photography and illustrations to escape from the chaos of the planets existential reality. I’m able to transport to another place for the while I am creating. My artwork is embedded in the existence and consciousness of being alive, quite the opposite to my own mother whose morbid fascination with death, dying and cemeteries, left our family home in Honor Oak scattered with her artwork based on Nunhead Cemetery. When she took us as children, to the cemeteries local to our home, little did I really know how many of my ancestors were scattered between Nunhead and Camberwell New and Old cemetery. And now with technology at my fingertips, using the census, I’ve delved deep into the lives of those who now pump through my veins and rather than visit their graves, I’ve bought them back to life with my artwork. Printed on plastic their images will last, I’m hoping, forever. My favourite mantra has always been “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” (George Santayana).
As part of my Psychosynthesis training I was fortunate enough to take part in a Family Constellations workshop. I’ve spent a lot of time remembering those who once lived and what a powerful experience it’s been. I lost my mum to breast cancer in 1990 and the silence that fell upon me has been deafening. I’ve never been able to speak of the heartache I’ve suffered, it has never left my side since the day she passed. All the screaming I did in my head diminished greatly when I began to illustrate, using acrylics, photography and Photoshop. The graphics you see embedded in this page are from a canvas I created in 2015, using Egyptian sand and acrylic paint. The original work is called conception. My initial concept was very different to my final piece. Using Adobe Photoshop I have created many variations which are closer to my original sketch.
The Educated Pauper© 